“Good and bad traits are seen as part of being human,
both in oneself and in others.”
- Bill Harris
Issue #514 – Monday, February 9, 2026
This Saturday is Valentine’s Day, a holiday that has a funny way of putting relationships under a magnifying glass.
Even in strong, loving partnerships, this time of year can quietly surface questions we don’t always say out loud. Questions like…
Why does this bother me so much?
Or…
Can I love this person deeply and still feel frustrated by them?
That’s why today I’m sharing a special essay from Centerpointe CEO MaryEllen Tribby that’s both deeply compassionate and refreshingly honest.
MaryEllen tackles a question almost everyone in a relationship wrestles with at some point:
Can love and criticism coexist? And if so, at what cost?
Rather than offering platitudes or relationship “rules,” she gently unpacks how criticism affects emotional safety, the nervous system, and long-term intimacy…
And how conscious communication can change everything.
If you’re in a relationship, healing from one, or simply want to love the people in your life with more awareness and kindness, I think this will really resonate.
It’s thoughtful, grounded, and full of insight you can use right away.
Enjoy,
Ryan Standifird
Mind Power Managing Editor
P.S.
If you want to improve your capacity for love (whether it’s loving yourself or others), we can help! Scroll down to our Check it Out section to learn more.
Can You Love Someone and Still Criticize Them?
By MaryEllen Tribby, CEO of Centerpointe
Valentine’s Day has a way of stirring up big feelings.
For some, it’s romantic and joyful. For others, it’s bittersweet—or even painful. And for many couples, it quietly highlights the gap between how love is supposed to look and how it actually feels day to day.
Which brings me to a question I’ve heard countless times over the years—and one many people wrestle with silently:
Can you truly love someone… and still criticize them?
At first glance, the answer might seem obvious. Of course you can. No one is perfect. We all have habits, quirks, blind spots, and behaviors that can irritate the people closest to us.
But when we slow down and really examine the impact of criticism inside a loving relationship, the answer becomes far more nuanced.
The Two Traps We Fall Into in Love
In romantic relationships especially, people tend to fall into one of two traps.
The first is idealization.
We see our partner through the lens of who we want them to be—or who they were at the beginning of the relationship. When they inevitably fail to live up to that ideal, disappointment sneaks in. And disappointment, when left unchecked, often turns into criticism.
The second trap is expectation.
We carry around a mental checklist—sometimes conscious, often not—of how our partner should behave, communicate, respond emotionally, and meet our needs. When they don’t check the boxes, we feel let down. Over time, that disappointment can leak out as irritation, sarcasm, or constant “helpful suggestions.”
But here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Those expectations are ours.
They may be spoken or unspoken. Fair or unfair. Reasonable or unrealistic. But they are still our expectations. And when love becomes dependent on someone meeting them, love quietly turns conditional.
What Does It Really Mean to Criticize?
To understand why criticism is so damaging, it helps to look at what the word actually means.
According to Merriam-Webster, to criticize means:
To express disapproval
To point out faults or problems
To make judgments
When you read it that way, it becomes clear why criticism—even when well-intended—can erode love over time.
Disapproval creates defensiveness.Focusing on faults undermines safety.Judgment closes the heart.
Even gentle criticism sends a subtle message to the nervous system:
You’re falling short.You’re not quite enough.You need to do better to be loved.
That may not be what we mean, but it’s often what is felt.
Conditional Love vs. Unconditional Love
Conditional love says:
“I love you when you meet my expectations.”“I love you when you don’t disappoint me.”“I love you when you behave the way I think you should.”
Unconditional love sounds very different:
“I see you clearly—and I choose you anyway.”“You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of my love.”“I love you for who you are, not who I’m trying to turn you into.”
Unconditional love does not mean tolerating harmful or disrespectful behavior.It does not mean abandoning your own needs.And it certainly does not mean staying silent when something truly matters.
What it does mean is that love is no longer used as leverage.
Love becomes the foundation—not the reward.
Does Loving Unconditionally Mean You Say Nothing?
This is where many people get confused.
They assume unconditional love means swallowing frustration, ignoring problems, and quietly suffering to “keep the peace.” That isn’t love—that’s self-betrayal.
Healthy love allows for communication.Mature love allows for feedback.Conscious love cares deeply about how something is said.
There is a profound difference between criticism and communication.
Criticism says:
“You’re wrong.”“You should know better.”“You’re failing me.”
Communication says:
“This is how I feel.”“This is what matters to me.”“This is what would help us feel closer.”
A Simple, Everyday Example
Let’s take something very ordinary: household habits.
Imagine your partner is messy. Clothes on the floor. Dishes “soaking” indefinitely.
One approach is criticism:
“You never clean up after yourself.”“Why do I always have to do everything?”“You’re so irresponsible.”
Another approach is conscious communication:
“Can we talk about something that’s been weighing on me?”“When the kitchen is cluttered, I feel overwhelmed.”“It would really help me if we could handle this together.”
And then there’s appreciation:
“Thank you for helping with the laundry—it makes my week easier.”“I really appreciate you doing the dishes tonight.”
Appreciation opens the heart. Criticism triggers resistance.
People are far more likely to change when they feel valued than when they feel judged.
Your Nervous System Knows the Difference
Our brains and nervous systems are constantly scanning for safety or threat.
Criticism—even subtle—registers as threat. It activates defensiveness, shutdown, or reactivity. In that state, real connection is nearly impossible.
Appreciation, curiosity and kindness signal safety.
And safety is where intimacy lives.
When someone feels emotionally safe, they listen more deeply. They soften. They become more generous—not because they’re forced to change, but because they want to.
Love Is Not About Fixing
One of the most freeing realizations we can come to is this:
It is not your job to fix the person you love.
Your role is to witness them. To support them. To walk beside them.
Growth that is pushed creates resentment. Growth that is invited through love creates transformation.
Love, the Nervous System, and Embracing Love
So, what can you do to improve your capacity to give and receive love?
True intimacy requires safety.
And safety is something we experience, not something we reason our way into.
You see, this is why criticism can really sabotage a relationship. Not because of the words that hurt—but because that emotional pain dysregulates the nervous system.
When someone feels judged, their brain shifts into survival mode. Openness disappears. Listening shuts down. Connection fades.
This understanding is at the heart of why we created the Holosync-powered Embracing Love Suite.
Because when the brain and nervous system are gently guided out of stress and into calm, something remarkable happens:
Reactivity softens. Patience grows. Compassion becomes easier to access.
People become less critical—not because they’re trying to be nicer, but because they genuinely feel safer inside.
When your inner world is calmer, love flows outward more naturally. You don’t feel the same urge to correct, control, or defend. You listen more. You soften more. You love more freely.
And you create an emotional environment where the people you love feel safe enough to grow—right alongside you.
You can learn all about the Embracing Love Suite right here.
A Valentine’s Day Reflection
This Valentine’s Day, instead of asking:
“How can I get my partner to change?”
Try asking:
“How can I love more consciously?”
Notice what’s right instead of what’s missing. Lead with curiosity instead of judgment. Choose connection over correction.
Because love doesn’t deepen through perfection.
It deepens through safety. Through kindness. Through the daily choice to be gentle with your words and generous with your heart.
And when love feels safe, people don’t just change.
They bloom.
Check It Out!
The Embracing Love Suite
Everyone needs love. Everyone deserves love.
Now you can open your heart and take your love to a whole new level with…
The Embracing Love Suite
This powerful tool helps you improve all your relationships, from the connection between you and your partner to the friendly smile at the lady in line at the grocery store.
Everybody wants, needs and deserves fulfilling relationships.
Especially you!
We created the “Embracing Love” suite because we know this one vital thing:
Love doesn’t start in your heart.
It starts in your head.
Wise Words
“Growth that is pushed creates resentment. Growth that is
invited through love creates transformation.”
- MaryEllen Tribby
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